Saturday, June 07, 2014

Paper Towns

So right now, I'm crazy over this book, Paper Towns by John Green.
I bought it three days ago and I've just finished reading it.
And my reaction is: IT IS AWESOME!!! I can't get over it.

It was all started from TFIOS - The Fault in Our Stars - which is one of John-Green's-most-perfectly-addicting-and-super-interesting books.
Actually, I haven't completely read TFIOS but his quotes I found on the internet are enough to make me fall in love.
So, three days ago I went to the bookstore and I saw some blue-covered books on the shelf, I approached it and it was TFIOS. Not only TFIOS were there but there were also Paper Towns and An Abundance of Katherines.
I was going to buy TFIOS at first but I don't know why I was attracted with the Paper Towns. So, I spend minutes thinking of which one I should buy and honestly for me - i don't know how it was for other people - but for me, those books were quite expensive here in my country. I understand since they are imported books. In the end, I decided to buy Paper Towns. 

As I was reading it, I can't stop. I'm so addicted to it and wanting to know more and more of the story. 

From Quentin Jacobsen and his best friends, Ben Starling and Radar. 
Margo Roth Spiegelman. 
The discovery of the dead body when Quentin and Margo were children. 
The adventure they had before the day Margo disappeared. 
Breaking into the SeaWorld. 
The days when Margo disappeared and how Q was so worried about her that he spent his days looking and keep looking for clues with the help from Ben and Radar, although he had exams. 
How happy Q was when he found out Margo was still alive. 
How he sacrificed to miss his graduation just to drive to Agloe for hours just to find Margo, although he wasn't completely sure that she was there. 
When Ben, Radar, and Lacey decided to join Q to go to Agloe which means that they had to miss the graduation too. 
When Q almost gave up and Ben saved them from the cow. 
And when they met, Quentin and Margo, and all the stories she had since she was little, how she and Q burried the notebook of the stories she made. 

I'm too excited that I forget what I wanted to say here.
I recommend you this book. 
And I'm going to buy some John Green books later.

"The town was made of paper but the memories were not."

Sunday, February 02, 2014

For once in my life, I wish I had never met some people.

The worst kinds of people.
The one that if I were to kill myself with a gun, those kinds of people didn't throw it away, 
but they were the one who pulled the trigger.
The kind of people that are always start the fire.

But you didn't know it, you didn't know it the first time you met them.
You thought you met someone new.
It was always nice to meet new people.
However, as time goes by, you begin to know.
Is it that person you've ever met?
You might ask yourself, why did I met him/her?

Then you deleted their number.
You stopped contacting them.
And when you meet somewhere, you kept your eyes away.
You walk away. From them.
Like a stranger. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

Still Struggling

Since I have nobody to talk to, I can't help but posting my stories here.
Well, I'm still struggling. Still surviving.
But you know, I want to live, not just survive.
And it is getting worse.

Firstly, I'm still trying to be comfortable with my classmates and it gets better a little - remember, just a little -
I feel like they are ignoring me now.
I know I've been ignored since the first time but this is getting worse and I'm getting annoyed.
It's like why can't they understand me? 
I've heard from my teacher when I took my course that her other students are so friendly and take care of their friends, so why can't I have friends like that?
I'm so depressed, I don't want to recall it anymore. 
Just hoping for the best that this will get better soon.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Two Months Struggles

So, I'm in an angry state right now. Why?
Since there's nowhere to talk to, I will talk about it here on my blog.

Well, there's no other reason, but my new classmates.
However, it doesn't mean that there is no one kind - actually, there are - but they are less than five people.

I'm not a hateful person - but some people may think that I am -
I have some reasons for not liking them. There is always a reason.
I think that most people look quiet and normal when you don't know them well, but once you do, they are more than you can imagine. Humans were created with different personalities, weren't they? But some people just can't accept the differences.
One ever said that I would speak only if someone asked me something, isn't it just too weird? I'm not that weird though. If I was that kind of person, how can I socialize with my friends? I have friends, of course. I socialize, everyday. How can I live without friends?
That person expected me to talk even when there's nothing to talk about, but why me? Why wouldn't he? Well, I'm this kind of person, I won't talk if there's nothing important to say - my bestfriends and families are not included - It's like what kind of person am I to be so talkative with someone I'd just known?
It's not that I didn't try to get close to them - my classmates, I mean -
I tried. I've tried. Over and over.
But some of them are just too proud of themselves.
Confidence is good, but too confidence make you an arrogant. 
Do they think they're perfect enough to judge on someone they don't even know?
They judge me, not because I am a weird person, but because they don't know a thing about me.
It has been two months and I can't bear it anymore.
I want to be out of my class as soon as possible. I want to be as far as I can from them.
I don't hate school, I hate some people in it which is the reason that school is not fun.
This will be a long struggle then *sigh* 
Still around eight months to go. I hope it gets better.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Summer Break is Over and New Boring Class

Well, I haven't post for a long time because I was on holidays last time.
It's hard to accept the fact that holidays are over and that means I am back to school.
At first, I think it'll be not so hard to go back studying and meeting new friends.

But I was wrong, totally wrong!

My first day of school after a long holiday,
I looked for my name among the classes lists.
I found it and saw the name of my classmates and it was so irritating.
I have the same class with - well - two annoying people, let's just say they're A and X.
I tried to accept it and thought, "Well, it's okay, just don't mind them."

Days passed and all of these things are getting more and more annoying.
This A person said bad things about me via twitter.
I didn't say anything about her and I didn't even think about her while then she did that fucking thing.
And you can imagine how annoyed I was at that time.
Today, I got questioned by two teachers.
One of them asked me to write my answer on the board, so I did as she said then I went back to my seat.
Some of my classmates were talking about what I had just answered, some were laughing.
So I said to myself, "Ah, my answer must be wrong."
When the teacher discussed it, it was totally right!
I was surprised, all of the students were silent, some of them might be surprised because they were just laughing at the right answer.
I was getting bored and annoyed with this class.
I really hate being underestimated, well they're not the cleverest or the prettiest or the most handsome people in the class, so just shut up and mind your own business.
I'll admit when I was wrong but I don't want being blamed and bullied when I was right.
I have friends there, but it is not more than three out of forty people.
I really hate this new class. Just by looking at their faces, I'm so fed up.

That is one of many annoying things that happened in this past few days in school.
I have to hold on for at least a year with this damn class. I'll be out of there as soon as I can.
It's not that I cannot stay there, I just don't want to.

I apologize for some bad words I typed, but I'm really mad right now, so please understand. 

Monday, May 06, 2013


I don't know how it feels to be happy anymore.
All I'm feeling now is
 just pain.
No one cares. And no one understand.
I wonder why do I survive after all this time?
And for what do I live?
I live faking smiles and telling lies to everyone.
I can't make you understand. You don't know how happy I am when I'm with you.
I don't know how to fight anymore.
For so many times, I just want to end this.

"until being strong is the only choice you have..."
But being strong is not in my dictionary anymore.
The only choice I have is to live with all this pain or to end my life.

Am I not thankful?
Perhaps, I really am.
Because I've tried. I HAVE TRIED.
To be happy. To smile. To move on. 
But no one understand.
Even, some people just ignore me like I was invisible.
So how do I live?

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

That day...

That day I'm just tired of being strong for too long.
So, at school, I buried my face on the table, 

I cried.
A friend of mine noticed. She asked me what's wrong.
I said, I was not crying, I was just yawning.

Almost every night that I spent, I found myself crying.
Waiting for something that might not happen.
A miracle.
Yet, every morning, at school, I tried to smile.
To laugh with my friends.
To make some jokes.
I did it. I got closer with my friends.
But that day.

That day I just wanted to be alone.
Actually, I didn't want to go to school.
I'm just tired of faking smiles.
I decided to go to school.
That day, everything was so different.
I buried my face on the table and cried.
Tears started to flow out of my eyes.
Just then, my friend called me.
I took a little time to stop my tears.
Then, I got up, went over my friend.
She asked me if I did crying.
I said no, I wasn't. I was just yawning.
I smiled.